Sunday, December 31, 2000


1. Imagine French rocket scientists inhabit your town. They speak only Romany and reek of fortified reds and cheap cigarillos. See that they are not leaving and would prefer you, to speak euphemistically, out of the picture. Now imagine, to top that off, that your 1949 Packard refuses to start. How would you feel?

2. Imagine Elvis Presley in Bosnia. He does not carry a rifle and eats peyote while crying out for visions. See that he is without a care, despite the carnage around him. He leaps, cajoles, and sings, without fear of snipers. Now imagine that the King beats a tempo on the side of a tank while you try to catch an hour of fitful sleep. How would you feel?

3. Imagine lengthy discussions of sexual healing, white grape juice, and tuberculosis. Your support-group decides that you shall be the next sacrifice to the Egyptian goddess Nuit. They lead you to a winged coffin. You are pleased to be of assistance. Now imagine that the Governor grants you a stay of execution as the firing squad raises its rifles. How would you feel?

4. Imagine that professional bowlers are above the law. They are very strong and hurl bushels of grain needlessly at passers-by. Without shame their progeny nest in redwoods and eat feces and slugs. Despite this, many fall on their swords and fill deep ditches with gore. Now, imagine that loggers want to fell the trees. How would you feel?


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